


don't let them pay for your mistakes

by Chillykins



Category: Prison Break
Genre: 2x14 AU, F/M, alex cares about his family more than anything, alex regrets his life choices and tries to make things right
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-30
Updated: 2017-12-30
Packaged: 2019-02-23 21:26:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13198866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chillykins/pseuds/Chillykins
Summary: When Alex wakes up after nearly being killed by Kellerman, he knows he doesn't want to be the Company's closer anymore. The group decides it's time to remind him who's in charge.(2x14 AU in which the Company allows Alex to visit Cameron in the hospital.)





	don't let them pay for your mistakes

**Author's Note:**

> Shoutout to Tumblr user fortheglare (forthegelt) for proofing me and also encouraging me to finish this thing. Also thanks to Tumblr/AO3 user graveexcitement for yet again proofing a fic for the show she's seen three episodes of, none of which have any of the characters in this fic.
> 
> I'm thankful that this isn't how it went down in the show, because I probably would have died. On the other hand, I'll always feel that we were robbed of Alex/Pam scenes, so I guess it falls to me to add even more angst to this horrible plotline.
> 
> (Also, the title is taken from Alex's advice to C-Note about Dede in 2x17: "Don't let her pay for your mistakes.")

The last thing he remembers is dragging himself to his feet, shoulder burning. Trying to reach the exit so he didn’t bleed out. The exit was close -- Alex could see the light, but as he reached the stairs, it all went dark.

Now he’s awake, in a hospital bed, hooked up to machines. His thoughts are groggy, but his mind doesn’t know how to rest. He takes in his surroundings. For a moment Alex hopes the Company doesn’t know of his status. That he was rescued by someone good, who cared about his well-being beyond a desire for him to be useful. Maybe his employers will think he’s dead, and he can go back to making things right with Pam and Cameron.

He should have known better.

“Glad you’re awake,” someone says from his right. “Collarbone and rotator cuff. Six inches to the right, and you're dead.”

Alex wonders if he would rather be dead. His attention goes to the man who spoke: tall man, suit, blonde hair. Probably Company. Who else dressed like that would be visiting him?

“Yeah, he just woke up,” the man goes on, this time into his phone.

Though Alex’s mind isn’t fully back on track yet, the man hands him his phone. Alex takes it, slowly holding it up to his ear.

“Mr. Mahone, Bill Kim,” the person on the other end says. “You’re a lucky man.”

“Am I?” Alex asks. He can’t see any way that this situation is lucky.

“Kellerman finished the job you couldn't, but he unfortunately is still out there, and he's a loose end. Finish what you were supposed to take care of.”

Alex doesn’t know how, but he manages the energy for a weak laugh.

“Something funny?” Kim asks.

It’s about damn time something sneaks up on the bastard.

“Kellerman’s more of a loose end than you realize,” Alex says, voice raspy. “He shot me.” There hadn’t been much for him to take pleasure in the past weeks, but breaking this news to Kim is enjoyable. “The guy you wanted to double-cross screwed you first.”

“Scofield and Burrows?”

“Are probably alive and on the run with Kellerman. Have a good day, Kimmy.”

Alex lowers the phone and tosses it aside. The agent picks it up and leaves without another word. Alex doesn’t care what he’s up to. Maybe he’ll never see him again. With that positive thought in mind, his eyes begin to close, and he falls back into a deep sleep. 

* * *

Hours later, Alex feels healthy enough to sit up. He has his back to the door, staring out the window instead. He doesn’t remember the last time he had been able to just sit and think without the Fox River Eight or even Shales pressing on him. The door opens, and he doesn’t bother to look, assuming it to be a nurse. Instead, the same Company agent from before walks to stand in front of him.

“I just spoke to Kim,” he says. “He wants you to finish the job.”

“Yeah?” Alex asks, too physically and emotionally exhausted to deal with this. “That’s not gonna happen.”

In the brief time he’s been awake and able to actually think, Alex realizes he’s done. He won’t be the Company’s closer anymore. He’s gotten them farther than they could have done without him, but he can’t do this anymore. Being shot by Kellerman and learning he had been six inches away from death helped him see clearly.

“This isn’t a request,” the agent says.

“This isn’t a negotiation.” Showing the man who is in charge here is just as satisfying as telling Kim about Kellerman was. “Kim and Kellerman can try to kill each other all day long, but I’m out.”

“You must have forgotten how discreet we’ve been with what we know.”

“Go tell the world about Shales,” Alex challenges. “In fact, I will. I killed a predator, a man who tortured and raped women and I buried him in my backyard. I'll do the time.” He stands, staring down the man across from him. “I don't care anymore. I'm out. Is that clear enough for you?”

The agent lingers a moment, suspiciously free of emotion, then leaves. Alex waits until the door closes behind him before sitting down again. He feels lighter now. He can finally work on getting his life back together. What matters is that his life will be his own again, instead of the Company’s.

His life is not worth this job. Seeing Pam’s name on his phone for the first time in weeks only to hear Scofield’s voice on the other end raised emotions he’d done his best to push aside. Alex doesn’t care why the Company needs the rest of the Fox River Eight dead. He almost died for it. His only concern now is righting his wrongs, starting with serving his sentence for killing Shales, if that’s how it plays out.

When he isn’t arrested on the spot, a nagging fear starts to scratch at him. The only reason a cop wouldn’t come knocking on his door is if the police still think Shales had fled the country. The Company had two threats to hold over his head: spilling the secret, and hurting his family. Alex doesn’t care about the secret anymore -- he wasn’t joking when he told the Company man that he would confess himself. But his family...if the Company isn’t calling the cops on him, they’re either letting him walk or they’re taking it out on Pam and Cameron.

Alex knows which one is more likely.

His thoughts snap back to his health as another wave of nausea rises. He’s spent enough time in the small bathroom to memorize it, as if it were the one in his own house. By the time he feels steady enough to emerge, there’s a nurse in his room.

“Vomiting,” she says sympathetically. “It’s the worst side effect of anesthesia. That should be the last of it.”

“You figure I’m on empty by now?” he asks with a small smile.

“Yeah.” She hands him a cup of water.

Alex’s hand is halfway to the cup when his phone rings. His humor falls. The only people he can think of that would be calling him now are Company. That’s a conversation he doesn’t want to have, but ignoring it could be worse. When he picks up the phone and reads the caller ID, his apprehension turns to confusion and concern.

“Pam,” he says softly.

He answers the call, but before he has a chance to ask about the reason for it, Pam starts talking so quickly he can barely follow along.

“Alex, Cameron’s been hurt,” she sobs.

“What happened?”

“It was a car. Hit and run. He’s in the hospital. His leg is broken in two places.”

Alex’s heart breaks with the news. Pam’s tears tug at his heart in a way he hasn’t felt for years. What he felt during that phone call near Scofield’s Bolshoi Booze pales in comparison. There, he could only let out his regrets. Here, he can act. He _will_ act. His mind is already running to find the fastest way to reach his family.

“I’ll be on the next flight to Colorado,” he promises.

“He’s in surgery,” Pam goes on, the words falling out of her mouth like they physically pain her.

“I’ll be right there. Just hold on.”

“They won’t let me see him. They called me and they won’t let me see him.”

“Pam, please.” Alex knows no words to make this okay, but until he can arrive, he needs Pam to be there for Cameron. “Just keep it together until I can get there. Can you do that for me?”

“Please hurry.”

Alex’s badge can solve most problems. It can help him into buildings, it can command attention, but it cannot help him bend the laws of physics. As much as he burns to be at his son’s side with Pam, he’s at the mercy of the transportation system. He hates feeling this helpless. He knows sometimes things happen that are out of his control, but surely this is different. This is his _son_. Fathers are supposed to protect their children, not divorce their mother and force them to move out, all because of a decision -- a mistake? -- that he made. He should have been there to stop that car, to pull Cameron out of harm’s way. Alex can’t turn back time, but he sure as hell can be there when his son wakes up. He can be there for Pam, like he hasn’t been since Shales.

“Mr. Mahone, you cannot get on a plane,” the nurse says as he starts gathering his belongings.

He ignores her.

“You need to stay at least another day for observation. You’ve been shot.”

He starts for the door, thoughts singularly focused on his family.

“Mr. Mahone, please.”

“I have to see my son,” he says.

That’s all that matters. Not the still-healing hole below his left shoulder. Not whatever the Company thinks of his resignation. Only Pam and Cameron, as they should have before his life went to hell. He manages to rush out of the hospital without any further conflict, and he only spares a moment to hope that the nurse doesn’t run into trouble for his early escape.

“Taxi,” he calls when he catches sight of one, his left arm limp at his side.

The driver must have somewhere else to be, because the taxi drives right past him. Alex lets out a frustrated breath. He can’t be delayed this early on. He desperately searches for another ride to hail, and then someone speaks.

“How’s your boy?”

Alex recognizes the voice but he turns around anyway, to see the same blonde Company agent that he had mouthed off to earlier. A realization hits him like another bullet. The man knows about Cameron. He knows because he’s responsible.

“Tib-fib fractures are bad,” the man continues, like they’re talking about some stranger. “But if the growth plate's affected there's a whole host of problems.”

“You made a mistake,” Alex says, stalking towards the agent, closing the distance between them to a couple of feet.

“No, _you_ did.” The agent doesn’t back down. “You think you can just quit like you work at a post office? Now, you're needed back in. Go clean up your mess.”

He doesn’t have time to go back to the prison that is his job. Cameron is in Colorado, God only knows how hurt, and Pam is waiting for him.

“Maybe there won't be another accident on the streets of Durango, Colorado,” the man says, dropping the city name to remind Alex that the Company is always watching. “Understand?”

Alex’s jaw tightens. Being pushed around like this reminds him of how much the group has him under its thumb. His mind itches to say no, to put the man in his place -- to make him hurt like he hurt Cam, to hurt him _worse_ \-- but what happened the last time he turned the Company down? He forces himself to give a single nod.

“I want to hear you say it.” The agent leaves no doubt that he is enjoying every moment of this conversation.

“I’m back in,” Alex says finally.

“Glad to hear it. Now, just to show you that we can be reasonable, Kim’s agreed to let you go to Colorado to visit your family.”

Few things surprise Alex these days, but the kind offer does. He knows it is just about the Company showing him close-up what they’re willing to do, but he can’t move past the fact he’ll be seeing his family, together, for an extended period, for the first time in years.

“When you receive a call from Kim telling you to come back, I expect you’ll jump on that plane right away and dive back into work,” the man says. “I’ll drive you to your plane, and then leave you a car when you’re back.”

The last thing Alex wants is to sit in a car with the man who ordered a hit-and-run on his son, but he’ll do it. As he’s learned over the past weeks, there is nothing he won’t do for Cameron. 

* * *

Perhaps it’s because the agent had said his piece, but the car ride isn’t as terrible as Alex had expected. The benefit of the Company giving him the green light on his visit is taking a private plane, instead of dealing with public transportation, as he’d been preparing to do. The flight passes quickly, though still not quick enough for his liking. He manages to snag a taxi this time, asking it to take him to the local hospital.

“You okay?” the driver asks, sounding like he thinks Alex is the one who needs the medical attention.

Despite himself, Alex cracks a dry smile. “It’s not for me.”

The driver doesn’t look like he buys it, but in the end, it wouldn’t matter. The reason doesn’t matter. The destination does.

Traffic is light, with it being the early afternoon. Cars start to bunch up the closer they come to the hospital, so Alex decides to pay the driver and jump out. He half-walks, half-runs the rest of the way.

“I’m looking for Pam Mahone,” he tells the receptionist. “Our son was brought in an hour ago.”

The receptionist recognizes the name. The hospital must not have been busy -- either that, or the accident was bad enough that the image and name had been burned into the staff’s memory. Alex tries to shake that idea out of his head.

“She’s in one of our waiting areas outside of where the surgery is happening,” the receptionist says. “I’ll walk you down there.”

Though his arm still gives the occasional throb of pain, Alex shoves it down. He doesn’t need any doctors to notice a grimace and insist on treating him. The receptionist turns a corner, Alex trailing after, and he nearly stops as he sees Pam in one of the green chairs. She’s no longer crying, but her eyes are red and her arms are wrapped around herself.

“I hope everything goes okay,” the receptionist says sincerely. “Let me know if you need anything.”

“Thanks,” Alex says.

Pam’s head rises at the sound of his voice. Alex wishes he could tell her that everything will be okay, that he’s here now, but he can’t forget that he doesn’t have a say in how long this visit is. Instead, he walks over to her without speaking. She stands up, eyes watering as she throws her arms around him in a hug. He can’t hold back a grunt as she presses against the bullet hole.

“Are you okay?” she asks, pulling back.

“Don’t worry about me,” he says, guiding her back to him. He can bear the pain to have her in his arms again. “Is there an update?”

“He’s still in surgery.” Pam’s voice is shaky as she tries to fight back fresh tears. “They won’t tell me anything, but if something had gone wrong... they would have told me.”

They stand there in silence. Alex wonders how they came to this point, from the happiest years of his life to holding Pam and worrying for Cameron, the two people he loves most in the world and yet cut out of his life. The Company may have controlled the car, but Alex can’t lie to himself. This is his fault.

“You got here faster than I thought,” Pam says, voice stronger now.

“I got a plane from work.”

“I didn’t think those were allowed to make personal trips.”

“Guess they made an exception.”

Alex doesn’t want to talk about this. They’re treading a line he never wants Pam to see the other side of.

“Let’s sit down,” he suggests.

Pam reluctantly lets go of him and takes her seat. Alex sits next to her, resting his good arm around her shoulders. For all the years of distance between them, it's easy to fall into old habits. She leans against him, head on his good shoulder, and closes her eyes.

“I’m glad you’re here,” she says finally.

Alex wishes he could have come sooner. He wishes he had never left.

“Me too,” he says. 

* * *

It feels like days, but three hours later, a doctor finally emerges. Alex is grateful the Company has allowed him to stay this long, to actually see his boy. And then he remembers that they’re always watching. They’re waiting to call him back until they find the moment that it will hurt him the most to leave. He pushes the thought away. As the doctor comes to stand in front of them, both he and Pam stand.

“Your son will be just fine,” the doctor says, leading with the best and simplest news. “He’s lucky, actually. There are so many problems that can come with a leg injury, but his was less severe than it could have been.”

Pam lets out something between a sigh of relief and a sob.

“We had to put some pins in his leg to make sure everything stays steady, and he’ll be in a cast for some weeks, but once he’s healed, he’ll be up and running around like it never even happened.”

Alex refuses to think about how he won’t be there to see that transpire.

“He’s in his room now, still asleep, but you can sit in with him.”

“Do you know how long it’ll be until he wakes up?” Alex asks.

“I wouldn’t think any more than an hour.”

Though he’s never been the most religious person, Alex prays that he’ll be able to see Cameron when he wakes up.

“If you’ll follow me,” the doctor prompts.

Pam and Alex leave the quiet waiting room for the quiet private room. There’s less furniture, but the presence of their son more than makes up for that. As Pam hurries to Cameron’s side, kissing his forehead and brushing his hair back, Alex can’t help but feel like he’s intruding. The doctor excuses himself, leaving the Mahones alone.

Apart from the cast on his leg and the butterfly stitch on his temple, Cameron looks like he’s just sleeping in his own bed. Alex knows he can’t waste this time and walks to his son’s side, next to Pam. He places his hand on Cam’s.

“Hey, buddy,” he says. “I’m here now.”

If this was a movie, Cameron’s eyes would open at the sound of his father’s voice. He would smile brightly, despite his weakness, and declare how happy he was to see him. Except this isn't a movie, and Cameron continues to lay without movement. The ticking of the clock on the wall digs into Alex’s mind, reminding him of how valuable each second is.

Pam sits down in the chair next to Cameron’s head, but Alex remains standing. Lying unconscious on a hospital bed and then being stuck in a car and a plane has met his sitting quota for days. He leans against the wall, his hand on Pam’s shoulder, fingers mindlessly tracing over her sweater.

Alex has never been a patient person, but this is hell. 

* * *

“You should sit,” Pam says after a half hour of silent vigil.

“I’m fine,” Alex deflects.

He’s starting to feel a little light-headed, but he’s not about to tell her that.

“I don’t think Cam would like it if you passed out and missed him waking up.” For the first time, Pam has a small smile.

Alex automatically gives a smile in return, but the reminder on missing Cameron waking up causes his humor to fall. “You’re right,” he says.

He pulls the other chair in the room up to sit next to Pam. She must have seen him only use the one arm to move it, but she doesn’t comment. They join hands over the armrests, waiting. 

* * *

“Did his hand just move?” Pam asks, jarring Alex from his thoughts.

Alex had been zoned out, staring at Cameron’s face, and didn’t notice. He refocused on his son’s hand, and a second later saw a twitch.

“It did.”

They both stand, Pam leaning over Cameron again. Alex opens the door and calls for the doctor, and then positions himself so that Cameron will be able to see him.

“Mom?” Cameron asks sleepily as his eyes open.

“I’m here,” Pam says. “Your father is too.”

Though Cameron’s thoughts are surely muddled with anesthetic, the mention of Alex catches his attention. His eyes move from his mother, searching for his father.

“Dad?”

Alex hates how confused Cameron sounds. He shouldn’t be surprised that his dad is  there for him. Alex's pain turns to something like grief -- or is it joy? -- to hear Cameron’s voice again. The few days they spend together when Pam arranges a visit are never enough.

“Hey, Cam.”

Cameron holds his gaze a moment longer, then looks to his leg. “I can’t feel my leg.”

“Don’t worry about it, honey,” Pam assures. “Soon it’ll be back to normal.”

“How soon?”

Alex’s lips quirk into a smile. He’d almost forgotten how inquisitive Cameron is.

“Well, hopefully in a few days you’ll be able to come home,” Pam says. “And then in a few weeks that cast should be off and you can go back to racing your cars.”

“Is dad coming home with us too?”

Alex’s smile vanishes as soon as it had appeared. He doesn’t know how to answer that question. The truth would hurt, and his family has experienced more than enough pain for the day. Pam pauses. She doesn’t know the answer. She turns her head, looking to Alex expectantly. He opens his mouth, then closes it again. That is probably an answer in and of itself.

“We’re lucky he was able to come and see you,” Pam says, reading him as always, and somehow managing to try to twist the situation to hurt Cameron the least. “Usually your father’s employers don’t like to let him have much free time.”

Wasn’t that the truth.

“He might have to go back instead of coming home with us, but I’m sure he’ll still check up on you.”

“I’m sorry I can’t stay longer,” Alex says to Cameron.

Cameron stares at him again. “It’s okay, I guess.” He pauses. “I don’t see you very much anyway.”

Alex doubts that his son meant it maliciously, but the words very nearly make him flinch. “I’m sorry about that too.”

Before he can try to figure out how to make Cameron think less about how little time they’ve spent together recently, his phone rings. He wants nothing more than to ignore it. But he knows he can’t. He mutters another apology and leaves the room.

“Mahone,” he says, answering it.

“Mr. Mahone,” Kim’s deceptively cheerful voice responds. “I hear everything with your son is going well. I’m glad to hear it.”

 _I’m sure you are_ , Alex thinks.

“I’m sorry to call you away, but I’m afraid we can’t wait any longer to have our closer back in the fold.”

“I’m on my way,” Alex says, even as he wishes he could have given Kim a piece of his mind.

Before his employer has a chance to make some other taunting comment, Alex hangs up. He tucks his phone back into his jacket pocket. He’s not ready for this conversation, but when has the Company ever cared about whether or not he’s ready? Delaying a moment longer by rubbing his face, he takes a deep breath. When he lets himself back in the room, Pam takes in his expression. He doesn’t have the energy to pretend like everything is okay.

“I have to go,” he says wearily.

“Now?” Cameron asks, a hint of a whine in his tone. “But I just woke up.”

“I know.” Alex walks to his son’s side, running a hand over Cam’s hair. “And I wish I could stay. I want that more than anything.”

“Then why don’t you?”

 _Because if I don’t, your mother could be the one in an accident. You could break more than a leg._ Alex can’t say that. He can’t tell the truth, and there will never be an excuse good enough.

“My job doesn’t understand how important family is.” On the contrary -- the Company knows all too well how much he loves them.

“Tell them.”

Alex feels a burning at the corner of his eyes. He can’t cry. Pam must already be suspicious of his mental state after his phone call full of regret, and he can’t give her anything more to worry about. She needs to focus her concern on Cameron, their innocent boy who deserves to be cared for.

“Tell you what, big guy,” Alex says, keeping his voice steady. “I’ll tell them once I get back, and maybe they’ll let me come visit you some more.”

“...Okay.”

He can’t tell if Cameron believes him. He certainly hasn’t given him any reason to.

“While I’m gone, rest up and heal, okay?”

“Okay.”

“I love you, Cam.” Alex leans down and kisses his forehead.

Maybe it’s because he senses his father’s emotions or maybe he had just been that glad to see him, but Cameron replies with an “I love you too” of his own. Those four words almost break Alex’s resolve to keep a straight face. He starts to walk to the other end of the bed, but Pam has moved to stand behind him.

“Don’t leave,” she says.

Alex takes her in his arms, smoothing her hair with a hand. There’s no point in pretending he wants them out of his life. Pushing them away wouldn’t serve a purpose anymore. He knows what he has to do to keep them safe, but he still can’t explain himself.

“You know I have to.”

Pam wouldn’t know the details, but she knows even from their years of marriage that his job is just as much a part of his life as she is. Sometimes, unfortunately, more.

“Do you really think they’ll let you come back?” she asks quietly.

He hesitates. “No.”

She lets out a breath. “We can’t keep doing this, Alex. You can’t be both here for us and absent.”

“I know. But it won’t be like this for much longer.” He finds himself talking faster than usual, his desperation to finish the Fox River Eight mess leaking into his words. “Once this job is over, we can try to be a family again.”

“I don’t know if we can.”

Alex doesn’t know either. “Are you willing to try?” he asks, pulling back to see her face.

Her eyes survey his expression, searching for something to hold on to. “I can’t think about that right now,” she says honestly.

“I understand.” And he does. Pam is too good of a mother to have answered any other way. That doesn’t make her lack of certainty hurt any less. “If anything changes, let me know.” His voice is at a normal volume now, so hopefully Cameron doesn’t worry as much about what he hadn’t been able to overhear.

“I will.”

They stand there a moment, unsure of how to say goodbye. Pam makes the decision and presses a soft kiss to his cheek. Though her lips only linger for a moment, Alex knows he’ll be feeling that touch for the whole plane ride home.

“I love you,” he says.

The words are weightier for Pam to say than Cameron. Alex doesn’t expect her to repeat them back.

“Take care of yourself, Alex,” she says instead, though her tone of voice hints at that love. “Please.”

He bites down a bitter laugh. “I always do.”

“No, you don’t.” Pam holds his gaze seriously. “And if you’re not with us and you don’t care for yourself, who will?”

That’s a damn good question. Alex hasn’t worried about his well-being in months, but the bluntness of her point still burns.

“Just take care of Cam, okay?”

Pam doesn’t miss his deflection, but she doesn’t push. He’s grateful, because he doesn’t think he can keep up this act for much longer. As much as he hates to leave, the Company’s call saves him from drowning in these emotions even further.

“Okay.”

Alex manages a small smile, then leaves. The first steps are the hardest, as if there’s a cord tying him to Cam's bed, but once he reaches the waiting room again, Alex breathes a little easier.

A taxi takes him back to the private land where another plane waits for him. He’s not looking forward to this ride either. The sooner he buries himself in the case files for the remaining convicts, the sooner he can push aside his feelings about his family. At least this time he can think about his next moves instead of worrying about Cameron.

He’ll return to his job the moment the plane lands and the blond agent gives him the keys to his new car. Alex’s darker desires from earlier return, and he amends his plan. He has a message of his own to deliver. And then he’ll go back to being a grudging but willing Company employee.

No, his life is not worth the job. But Pam and Cameron’s lives are. If he has to drop six more bodies to keep them safe, he’ll do it in a heartbeat. They don’t deserve to suffer, to pay for his mistakes.

Not more than they already have.


End file.
